Parenting: you will never, ever be more excited by the prospect of watching another human being successfully use the bathroom

Client wants to talk about why their pages load slowly. Yes, let's talk about that. http://t.co/72umZjqrxN

Idea: America drops all charges against FIFA in exchange for a universal declaration that it's called Soccer.

Dying Light is a very, very good game. It's what Dead Island dreamt of being. Great support after launch, too. https://t.co/V8NksU7Pow

"when that little fellow arrived at family headquarters you had to hand in your resignation." http://t.co/fvyIsRwN7R

I had a little bee problem. Luckily, I know of a forum where beekeepers hang out! http://t.co/z4txj5l9HT

@krisaubuchon tell me this, can it kick *my* ass?

I love @docker but devicemapper (fedora, etc) have never worked, we had to blacklist it https://t.co/eSjkr8ZTfE

@jchutchins did you ever see the movie "Aliens"?

Docker's dependency on aufs is starting to be embarrassing. We've never seen Docker work reliably with devicemapper. https://t.co/bRbyB8YFkN

A black ex-St. Louis cop offers harsh reality and harrowing anecdotes about policing and race. Read every word. http://t.co…

Kung Fury is live, 31 minutes of dinosaur-riding, Nazi-punching madness. http://t.co/BUhNuBqcFC

"Their subjects, of course, didn’t have the Internet to distract them." http://t.co/SjYJ5GYxkf

Like The Matrix, but for viral video: "Human content creators have a special brand authenticity machines crave." http://t.co/0…

"We cannot guarantee that this product will ensure your path to Valhalla" http://t.co/2wDw6plSsh

Wondering how much you need to make to afford a home? Check these 27 cities: http://t.co/Qm4vfSL6Ni http://t.co/7z9eMzNgBb

Core wars http://t.co/n68ozsDcYc

The Zombie Food Pyramid: gnaw sparingly. http://t.co/YPXg8R4KXO

How agile usually works out in real life http://t.co/u94veFKHJc

I love that story https://t.co/N6Kdizk6NY

I heard "#archivist" & then "Jason Scott" & knew the ensuing story was going to be great. http://t.co/QvEot6YiN6 @npratc …

Mobile app startups are failing like it's 1999 http://t.co/lmMqVFCSO8

It is physically impossible for me to read the name "Amanda" without mentally adding "hugnkiss" at the end. I'm sorry, Amanda... (hugnkiss)

oh man I love a good chocolate rain joke. gets funnier every year

it's funny how slow IE11 feels today. And man it is. But it *was* fast -- in ye olde 2013. http://t.co/elVe0SUiz0

"Following in his father’s footsteps, [he] had the word “Psycho” tattooed on his forehead." http://t.co/dgF0XX7wU1 http://t.co/7lrw0qClu9

For all the moaning about the "slow" 2015 Macbook, it's 60% as fast as my obscenely fast desktop i7-4770k. And 2x+ faster than iPad Air 2.

The Surface 3, with Intel's Cherry Trail atom, is hilariously close to iPad Air 2 in those benchmarks. A little slower actually.

Can someone with a 2015 MacBook please run Kraken and Octane benchmarks in Chrome latest and reply?

"Firefighters face what I've called the 'March of Dimes' problem." http://t.co/IS3Hq44UI7

im like one of those guys who sprays chrome on their mouths and goes all in. except easy cheese and to bed.

NSA forces creator of PGP to move his company to Switzerland http://t.co/8VnIDyFd7m

Isn't copyright fun? http://t.co/kTkXtlWcLs

Me: What happened on the coffee table?

5-year-old daughter: Elsa killed all the stormtroopers. http://t.co/36hCfd1z5s

Have you been waiting long? 1. "No don't be silly" = 5 minutes 2. "Only a few minutes" = 15 minutes 3. "A little while" …

Age 4 is when I start seeing the kids as (not necessarily reliable) teammates versus chaos monkeys.

Having three children, I can say with a degree of scientific certainty the age of maximum craziness is 3 to 4. All the ability, no control.

trying to learn some flexbox and the 2nd box I add has my name in it OMFG what is going on http://t.co/vVVF4bykqw http://t.co/oKjhTTuWGB

life: Free To Play

heartening to see the visible social progress in gay marriage (and everything that entails), just in my lifetime. Kids, stay frosty.

I told that person the same thing I tell all prospective job candidates: "come with me if you want to live"

kids trying to hide: http://t.co/JeaMbga2t8

So this is the origin of "Gaslighting". Still not really clear how one would do this outside of a movie. http://t.co/KTYNPFnYnv

The "turn it off / remove it and see who complains" model is strikingly effective in software development.

Pac-man is 35 years old today, but is not generally known as a Kafka-esque statement of existential suffering. http://t.…

2 GB/sec is roughly within an order of magnitude of RAM speed (Around 22GB/sec) http://t.co/NddRdIlBAM

"ly" is the mullet of startup names.

"what evidence would you need to see to change your mind about this?" http://t.co/dbrVO71clz

I kind of miss Safari on Windows. The days when every font was bold. So bold.

Hardcore sneaker culture is a little freaky, man https://t.co/4HpkghlM9a

Meanwhile, in Australia https://t.co/yvCHd2Rrvy

"Only someone who’d done Babe: Pig In the City, Happy Feet, and Happy Feet 2 could have directed Fury Road." http://t.co/TiqvxIJK4w

The Google Autocomplete game delivers http://t.co/pHU5ohcFH0

@krisaubuchon IMMA LET YOU FINISH

Still more performance coming out of JavaScript engine development -- http://t.co/txX12yN0Cz

May you ride eternal, shiny and chrome.

very happy to see this working in Chrome latest. Stop letting users pick (bad) passwords. http://t.co/lBEnDR58iK

Tetravaal has like the worst IT security of any company ever #chappie

"a nation-state can break a 1024-bit prime" https://t.co/mXO3kTyquY

Reminder http://t.co/dtDQEhZnjd

It'll be interesting to see what happens as SSDs get closer to RAM speeds with faster interfaces http://t.co/s1M4m99lbL

The continued absurdity of "we only hire the BEST!!!1!" http://t.co/M1hyE97HPW

kudos to @davidlee for all his work with SV Angel. He's pretty good at Twitter, too.

it is a little creepy how I never, literally NEVER, see promoted tweets as a verified user. Never. Not once. Go on, promote to me. It's fine

“When was the last time you used a library to get a physical book?” And he said, “Maybe elementary school?” http://t.co/46lCcV3Zum

how close are we to having https / ssl be free for everyone, on the certificate side at least?

So much better than a friend! https://t.co/qV6Rd4acV5

"F**k you Caillou! Grow some hair and leave the house! Find out what the world's aboot!" https://t.co/sXFD1J2NMW

A rare insight into an elite Google anti-fraud team http://t.co/PnokWUi9wl

I loved "Bloodsport" as a kid, but I always thought this scene was out-of-place... no longer: https://t.co/NGgMoksu9G

This Internet Archive shirt is great https://t.co/OkAPBYxL9z http://t.co/lV6HnCeeRS

PROPERTIES OF A CAT: - Easy to compress - Will expand to fill the container - Will take the shape of the container http://…

@loydcase I hated Dragons Lair, even though it was beautiful. That gameplay...

@loydcase aw you say that like Dragon's Lair wasn't the pinnacle of modern gameplay!

"This whole stupid rock is a cage, with gravity well as its bars."

"this wing of the facility is where we do updog research" "what's updog" "that's what we're trying to determine"

It is unhealthy to live in an area where everyone is rich and "successful", especially for kids https://t.co/WFtLgqqLEQ

An emotional #mustread. I want to see this explored further | Learning the Human Costs of Ransomware | by @nartv | htt…

Microsoft could have bundled Minecraft with Windows 10, instead of Candy Crush. Think on that.

Mad Max Fury Road is probably the best geek movie sequel I've seen since Terminator 2. Arguably better than the original.

you would think network filesystems (gluster, ceph, etc) might be mature enough to have an "array of plain old servers + drives" but.. uh no

I have belatedly come to the conclusion that expensive network storage devices (24 drive 2U magic boxes) are unavoidable for hosting

I have literally blocked out 12 hours of playing Diablo 3 while consuming nothing but Soylent and coffee

This is as close to a silver bullet as you can find in terms of reducing gender inequalities http://t.co/eiVjlrq413 http://t…

# /etc/init.d/daemon stop http://t.co/LMJK6UX4B9

There are only four numbers in computer programs: 0, 1, many, "a zillion" http://t.co/XTwcPftRQw

Trying to convince @betsyphd to see Fury Road on date night, because it is all about the lady power & 98% rating. Or Paul Blart Mall Cop 2.

Design lesson: Instead of telling people not to do something, give them an easily discoverable alternative. http://t.co/ZD3aLohoJK

Rally driver experiences an unusual mechanical problem... and adapts! http://t.co/AmjZwYu1Zp

You have total freedom of speech. You have the freedom.. to say that bullshit somewhere else

I didn't say it was a good band

Starting a band. We only play one song: http://t.co/JnEK18ZGYs

I love how @howtogeek and @codinghorror cite same biz/life advice from Better Off Dead I do. http://t.co/ydEkEVx9M3 http://…

I applaud this change http://t.co/tSQcjFBYW2 *but* it is an extreme policy reversal in a short period of time. Those... don't go well.

thing is, a mind blowing trip into unimaginable pain sounds pretty good to me right now

How to sales: "prepare yourself for a mind-blowing trip into a world of unimaginable pain" @drburnorium http://t.co/0HKFj0dwe5

When is a constant not a constant? When it's a constiable.

#NetNeutrality has been sued! I just donated to help protect the rules we fought so hard for: http://t.co/I4cxrBq3R5 via @freepress

Let’s all tweet why we wouldn’t be allowed in the Startup Castle!

http://t.co/oUu7UlQl26